Ready
for this?
Come
closer. This is gonna sound like Martian jabber to some.
OK. Don't
say I didn't tell ya so...
You know
that thing (or person) you're upset at? Guess what?
THAT'S
NOT WHAT YOU'RE UPSET AT!
"Oh
boy! He's lost it now! Honey go get the white coat! This man
doesn't even know me and he's telling me what I'm not upset
at!"
My upset
is an emotional reaction to an inner stirring of something already
inside me. The external stimulus was only a trigger to a cannon
that's already in here. That's why the same event or action
or word or situation that may not bother you just bothers the
bejabbers out of the next guy...and it keeps bothering him...and
keeps bothering him until he deals with it and makes peace with
it (or dies crusty).
Here.
Let's try this: Call me "boring". Go ahead! Tell
me I'm boring. OK. Did you see that? I didn't feel anything.
It didn't make my neck hair rise. Why? Because I have no issue
with "boring". I'm certain that I'm not boring.
Now, call me a failure....hey hey hey...them's fightin' words!
I'm not a failure!! I'm not I'm not I'm not! You see, we each
MAKE THINGS MEAN what they mean to us. And the things that
pluck us are the things that rule us.
"Well
it's inappropriate what he did! I have a right to be upset!
And it's at HIM!"
Yeah yeah
yeah yeah. OK. Ya feel better? Now can we please try putting
aside all those ridiculous rules and techniques that didn't
work for us in the past and consider something NEW here (which,
by the way, is as old as 
dirt
itself)?
Consider
that upset is here to serve you. It's your buddy. It's your
road map to YOU. My friend, as you stop blaming or
resisting or escaping long enough to LISTEN, here's what your
upset will tell you:
My
upset is Never about anything OUT
THERE
and always about everything IN HERE.
You don't
lubricate the floor peddle when your brakes squeak, right? So
why blame "out there" when the upset is "in here"?
Yep, my
upset at him or it or them is on some level bringing
up an unresolved issue inside of myself. And my believing
otherwise keeps me trying to manipulate change in my environment
(people & things) in order to remedy
my upset!
This is
an extremely powerful insight that has brought me new life!
When I feel an upset at my partner I no longer resort to blame
or anger at her. And consequently she's not feeling
the other end of that which feels mighty ugly!
When I hook
my upset on my partner, I'm:
- Blocking Intimacy &
Love
- Keeping myself Stuck
Conversely,
when she's angry with something in her experience that
includes me...I don't have to take the hit for it!
I'm not the reason for her upset! And the magic of it is this:
I can BE PRESENT with her upset. When I'm not owning part of
it, I'm free to be 100% present
with her in the process of her upset. My friends...THAT'S LOVE
WITH PUNCH! That's intimacy
like I've never felt before. Yeehaw!
"But
aren't you just trying to get out of blame for something?"
It's not
about avoiding but about gaining. My friend I want you to have
more LIFE! I want you to make the jump from minor league to
the Majors! I'm gaining the Experience of love and life on a
level I've never known. And I'm finding it beyond the judgments
and the assignments of wrong-doing. It's there...right there...in
the world of the awakened
where I'm no longer stifled by "who's to blame" and
what "we should do about it". Mercy there's LIFE on
the other side of these things and I want you to experience
it with me!
