OK.
So my partner comes to me and speaks in her upset tone, "when
are you going to start spending more time at home"!
OUCH!
That hurts! My initial thought is to defend myself. Why? Because
it hurts and I don't want to feel that pain! That's why we react...to
push away an unpleasant feeling. To avoid pain in order to gain
pleasure.
But my reaction
also pushes away the driving truth.
My defensive
argument would be to remind her that I work hard during the
week and that I deserve to do what I want to do. Boy oh boy,
now that would go over like a cement floaty wouldn't it? My
reacting never brings me the love and connection I want.
Consider
hearing a lesson. Consider what
this feeling of upset has for us. In this case my seeing her
pain rather than just seeing her "argument" allows
me to respond and to consider my time priorities. Maybe my personal
values need to be reevaluated. Maybe her cry can teach me.
Let's
take it deeper.
A
friend shouts at me, "you're inconsiderate"!
OUCH!
I can lash back (fight), I can argue (defend) or I can calmly
tell her that she's overreacting and being overly sensitive
(flee or avoid).
OR...
I
can choose to respond and let her teach me something about myself.
My friends, it takes guts to receive your teacher. It takes
my not having to be right. And when I let go of having to be
right, then I am ready to receive the lesson that will bring
me more life and love tomorrow. Is there something for me to
learn here. In choosing to listen to her pain, I not only invite
intimacy between us but also I get a chance to consider and
further define who I am. Maybe I'm not inconsiderate, but I
sure want to know if I am! I may have a blind spot!
Letting
life be your teacher keeps you open for the learning and keeps
you from getting so tuckered out from resisting! And when
you're open for it, you won't believe what you get to see!
Holy Cow! You get to see things heal and grow and not return!
My
Upset is my greatest Teacher. Why else did God invent upset
but to teach us! To get our attention as to what needs healing.
This has worked miracles in my relationship. My partner and
I honor when we each feel upset. We each stop and recognize,
"hey, this hurts! What's this all about"? It's much
more constructive and love-building than "Hey you hurt
me! You wanna see hurt? Here, I'll show you hurt"!
Move
into the Awakened life of Responding
to your Upset vs. Reacting to get rid of it. It's life's greatest
teacher.
