Oh boy!
This is where it gets juicy! I remember the
very moment the lights
went on in my barn. I felt power like
I never had before.
It
was her fault!
I mean, if she would have been more
loving and more available to me, the darn
marriage wouldn't have gone down south! Right?
Umm...well...
Man, how
many times have I heard those famous last
words of from powerless people... "If
she'd have only...then we could have..."
So that's
what I believed for a long time. And, mercy,
were those days full of nothing but frustration
and wheel-spinning. See, as long as it was
her
fault, or as long as I assigned her even
a smidgen of fault...I had no
power to change my future.
Did
you get that?
And as
long as I kept hooking onto her what happened,
I had no need or desire to look at the part
I played in the direction of that marriage.
And so I stayed miserable, without growth
and...lonely.
"But
but but...it WAS her fault!"
"My
husband WAS a jerk"!
"I
couldn't HELP what happened"!
OK.
So, let's just say you're right. Whatever it
is that you
believe about your past (and present and
future), you're right. OK. So now
what happens? Your life becomes a living proof
that backs up your belief. But the trade off
is (those gosh-darn trade-off's), you
never grow and you then keep attracting the
same kinds of folks and problems that lead you
into the same song thirtieth verse! Ever notice
that? Or have you been too busy blaming?
:o)~
Back to
my marriage. I felt a Huge lift of relief
the moment I said, "I
quit"! I was tired of blaming
her. I was tired of HER HAVING THE REIGNS
TO MY LIFE. I mean, I was hindering one person
only...me. So I began asking myself
the powerful question that brought me to this
new place..."HOW DID I PUSH LOVE
AWAY"?
Whoa!
When I got serious about that and quit playing
the small game of blame (takes guts to
own your stuff without regard to her stuff),
I then began to see myself for who I really
was. Heck, I wasn't a bad guy. This isn't
about self
shaming and pinning fault. No no no! I
recognized that I was just a guy who resisted
her and created the mess I got. I "got"
that my choices to blame were only bringing
me what I didn't want...isolation
& NO answers.
Then guess
what! My cleared vision allowed 
me
to create something different tomorrow!
On the
other side of all that (here and now), I'm
free. Yeehaw! Free from my own
unaware attempts to make everyone else provide
my joy to me. It's the darndest thing, how
much of our lives we're spending simply trying
to find
our JOY in folks around us.
Get rid of the questions that begin with
WHY.
"Why did this happen to me?"
"Why did he do that?"
"Why can't I ever get a break or
do it right?"
SHIFT your questions to start with HOW.
"How can I make a difference?"
"How can I turn this around or make
this work?"
"How can I make this into what I
need?"
You create you. Every second of every day.
You. Awaken
to that and begin dialoguing with yourself
about it.
