Think
with me for a minute about what you're setting
up when you resist someone or something. If I
want you to lose weight, then I'm conveying to
you loud 'n clear that you're not good 'nough
for me the way you are. In my gut I don't accept
your present state. And that's gonna show up in
all sorts of ugly! As hard as I try to sell you
on my "I'm only doing this for your health"
alibi, you know who's gonna eventually show up
every time at our front door? You guessed it.
Demands. Shaming. Criticizing. And oh, by the
way, how do you feel about my barrage of "you're
not good enough's"? Do you feel like changing
or do you feel like telling me to jump off a cliff
while you dig in your heals and get fatter or
smoke more or talk less or anything else you can
do to "show me"?
You
become everything in the book from defensive to
aggressive to wet-noodle. In resisting who your
partner or friend is, love is lost and you each
dig your own fox-hole and establish your counter
positions. You've set yourself on the OPPOSING
TEAM by your own intolerance.
But
they shouldn't be that way!! She shouldn’t
be lazy and he shouldn’t be fat. She shouldn’t
be angry and he shouldn’t be weak!
Says
whom? Who retired and made you King
Should? You have your own growth
path and they have theirs. Allow them theirs.
Time combined with your support hold the only
chance in this grand universe of bringing about
healthy change.
Have
you ever known someone who wanted to change you?
How did you feel about it? Did you like it? How
did you respond? Was there even a remote chance
that you wanted to change, let alone even considered
the need for change? Conversely,
how does it feel when someone actively SUPPORTS
WHAT YOU WANT (vs. what they want
in you)? Awesome, eh?
Can
you believe it! The first law of bringing about
change in people and things is to Accept the
very thing you want to change!
You
wanna change it? Then Accept
it. You wanna restore a broken relationship? Go
call 'em on the phone right now and tell them
they're perfect just the way they are. But no
cheating! No “accepting them” in order
to change them! The truth always rises
to the top like cream in the kettle, you sneaky
rascal!
Remember,
what you FIGHT
gets Bigger and Uglier.
What
we make peace with loses its power over us. And
in that relaxed state, we have access to all of
our faculties & resources. When I Accept something
or someone, I give them the right to BE. I allow
them existence. In that state, they aren’t
in “fighting posture” and neither
am I. And in that posture of relax, my Creativity
and Energy and Problem solving abilities are at
their peak, let alone love is still in place...and
we all know that love is a miracle
maker!
Permanent
change occurs out of Love. Temporal change comes
from everything BUT love.
You want to bring change? Then
join their team and lead the change.
Trying to manipulate change thru controlling is
like trying to teach a pig to sing. You waste
your time and frustrate the darn Pig! My need
to control (our refusal to accept) comes from
my own inner sense of worth (or lack of). Such
refusal to accept stems from my inner fear that
things will not progress how I “need”
for them to progress in order for me to be happy.
In
that moment when you feel the sharp "need"
for them to change...GET HONEST with yourself.
Become keenly curious about WHAT'S INSIDE YOU
that seems to HAVE
to have the change. Become a student of you.
And as you become complete within, then you can
retire from the impossible draining task of trying
to complete yourself from without.
You
want him to talk more? Tell him! "I want
to know you. I want to hear you. I want to understand
you."
You
want her to quit smoking? Tell her!
BUT...if
you want to help the process vs. hinder it, then
look for ways you can absolutely INVITE change
rather than shame it into happening.
Just
as you allow the sky to be BLUE, regardless of
how you feel about it…allow whatever it
is that you want to change, to be exactly what
it is. Relinquish your requirement for people
or things to do life YOUR way. And from that state
of Allowing, watch change occur naturally and
in its perfect order (often within yourself!).
Be about FLOWING
WITH life, vs. RESISTING it. You’ll
find that things tend to want to work WITH you
when you choose to work WITH them.
