How
I feel about you has EVERYTHING to do with how I
feel about ME. The more OK I am with me, then the
less I need you to be what I want you to
be. And the more OK I am with you staying who you
are, the more likely 
change
will take place naturally. Kinda sounds upside down,
huh?
It's
hilariously sad (is that possible?), then number
of couples out there handcuffed in their own game
of trying to change one another. And it's a game
that, to this date in history, has never ended successfully.
I
remember being in the business of changing my
mate. She never cooperated! Then...I finally got
it. Holy Cow! I'm only trying to change my partner
so that I can be happy! PING! Bottom line, I'm
trying to bring about change out there
(in her) so that I can bring about a change (be
happy) in here. Wow! You must hop over
and explore how we do life backwards!
And remember to relax and have fun with this stuff...my
ability to laugh at myself brings about a more
lasting and genuine change.
Change.
I dated a woman once who held back, didn't express
much. I felt my resistance start to gurgle inside
me. My desiring her to express more is born
from love, but my insistence that she express
more is born straight from my fear-based ego. And
it's that ego that kills relationships.
And
so I thought about it and made the choice to love
& embrace exactly who she is. Key point here:
loving who she is has nothing to do with conceding
victory or agreeing with or not wanting change or
growth to take place. It has everything to do with
making
peace with WHAT IS. Period. And from that place
of peace I'm more effective. I'm more power-filled.
I'm set free from my own angst that comes from my
own bunched undies over it all.
Long
story made very short, she grew into a very expressive
woman. Would she have done so from my impatience
or rolling of the eyes or my general intolerance?
Umm, more likely she would have shut down faster
than an icehouse at 2 a.m. I've seen that enough
times in past relationships. But she didn't. She
felt my love, and love & acceptance together
set the stage for miracles
my friend!
What
or who in your life do you want to change. Come
on now...we all have one or two or ten! More specifically,
what about you present or past partner do you wish
was different? How do you feel about it? If you
and I were sitting with ice tea (we gotta have alotta
ice tea here in Texas...it's hot!), and if I were
to ask you, "so how do you feel about Fred's
smoking", what would you first reaction be
to my question. THAT tells the entire story. That
first reaction speaks volumes.
Examine
your heart. Examine what it is that you want to
change, and give it permission and your blessing
to exist. Fall in love with them...ALL of them.
There's no harm in making it clear what you want
or desire. But it must be under the helm of it being
OK not to change. Otherwise you will undermine its
change with your resistance.
