So you wanna change hubby, do ya? Or wife? Or girlfriend/boyfriend? Don't worry about it...you're not alone. Heck, I've tried it most of my adult life. It's gotta rank high on our list of favorite national pastimes, this business of trying to change our partner.

Change. It’s a good thing! Feels fresh. I love change. It's a must for me in my love relationship. I love growing while watching my partner grow and evolve.

I've noticed one commonality among those who are having significant relationship problems. They’re all trying to change each other.

"If I can change him or her it it...then this relationship will be better and I'll be happier."

"If I can change partners, if I can find that right one...then I'll be OK!"

Your anger AT your husband or wife or boyfriend or child or circumstances or farat...ready for this?... is little more than...your demand that they change. Period. Why else would you be angry AT anyone? Should they change? Well that's not the issue, at least for this page. The first issue is, what chance do you  really have of ever bringing about change by trying to change someone? Honestly. Has it ever worked before? And does such an endeavor not pre-suppose that they're broken? Not good enough the way they are?

And secondly, do you really have the power to effectively change anyone? And I'll leave the third and most important question alone for now... What in Sam Hill (who was Sam Hill anyway?) is missing in you that prompts you to insist that they change?

Let's get down to the marbles of it.

Careful! We've almost adopted an OK-ness with this hobby of making my partner fit me. Of making them more lovable by removing this and adding that. The trap is two-fold:

1. When I send a message to my partner that I want her to change, she hears, whether it comes up for discussion or not, that she's not OK the way she IS. That feels unloved. And that sets me up for problems later on. BIG problems;
2. Even if she does change, I'll find something else to change about her. Why? Because her changing was never the real issue. I'm only trying to fill up a bottomless pit by changing her. My agenda is for me to be happier from her change, but the truth is, nothing external to me can EVER make me happy.

OK. So I have the recipe. And it's free (for today only). Here’s how to change your husband or wife or child or employee or ferret…

Here's the key to changing your partner:

Celebrate them!

Applaud who your partner is!

Fall in love with WHO THEY ARE (vs. what they can do for you)!

Become less interested in their "fault"and more interested in WHY you have a problem with it.

Your focus on "their fault" will keep you stuck and will almost guarantee the repetition of the matter. Your focus on why you disapprove will bring you answers about yourself that you can work with. Dem's the answers you have power over.

I know, I know. You're not wanting to hear that...it really IS about you, not them. But patronize me for just a moment and let's consider it. My friend, I want you to have what you want and what you're doing in this blame game will NEVER bring you the love you want. Nope. Not even in your next partner. Sorry!

Stay with me here...

Do you want them to quit smoking? Then tell him or her to go smoke 20! Do you want your partner to be more successful? Then fall in love with their worth and value exactly how they are. Do you want them to express more? Then tell them how much you'd love to know them more. GIVE THEM YOUR PERMISSION TO BE WHAT & WHO THEY ARE! In other words...

STOP RESISTING THEM.

That one's worth saying again. STOP RESISTING THEM. Surely you've noticed by now that, whatever you resist in folks just get bigger 'n uglier! right?

What? You say that you don't love everything about them? Well then, guess where my work here with you really lies? Hint: it's not with your partner.

CLICK HERE but be home in time for supper! Selfish people make Better Lovers Whatever you HAVE to have, you'll NEVER have Pushing it away are you? It'll be back! Whatever you Resist in life Persists Be Naked. They like that! Sloppy, juicy PASSION! Blame squeezes Glue all over my shoes BE HAPPY dammit! You want to Change it? Gotta give it a kiss first! Controllers and the prison they build Feeling Lost? Go here. Turn right. YOU alone Created You Forgive them. Then you can finally take that ankle weight off! Be YOU, not that other you That's Good! No wait, that's Bad! Or is it good? No... Which YOU will you choose to be today? Wake up & smell the Coffee! "Out There" aint against ya...it's Fer ya! Umm. That was your Opinion. Now what's your Truth? Hey hey hey! Give that UPSET back right now. It's not yours! Holy cow! Are you living BACKWARDS? What I fear, I make happen because I fear it! I just can't seem to get Motivated! I keep pushing away my teacher Human Doings? Or Human Beings? How to snag a Woman! Faith. It's the absence of peanut butter? When will you be done huntin' Nanners? Ever noticed that, wherever you go...there you are? Don't do it! Don't! Don't shoot yourself in your foot...again! It's time. It's time to kill d'boogieman The one missing piece to Love Shame on me! The amazing story of the Rose Set yourself free....Trust Life is sooo unfair! Parenting On Purpose Friends that ROCK! Whatever you believe....you're RIGHT! BE the change you want...life's a boomerang! KISS what you wanna change! Life's a darn BOOMERANG! Changing old beliefs What is, IS, and that's what IS! Down? Go give somebody your shirt Expression Heals Have you looked here for your answer? Now where did I put that dang JOY? Cut your own chains...FORGIVE Are you Holding Back on life? No way! Is that really what I think it is? Gavel or Love? Can't have both Ahh, the Unclogged Life! 2 ears, 1 mouth...take the hint! Who do you see in your mirror? My past keeps haunting me! Navels & Opinions. Spinning your wheels? Remember you? Stressed? For all you FIXERS out there Rob, 1 on 1 Take Rob home

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