This is Huge! Protecting your partner from their own upset is
a guarantee for relationship FIZZLE. You cannot make the relationship
“work”.
I can NEVER heal what it is inside my partner that keeps poppin’
up in the form of her upset. That's simply not my job (so what
if it took me 826 times before I learned it!). It’s
like trying to teach a pig to sing. All I do is waste my time
and frustrate the poor pig! No matter how hard I try to "do
the right thing", she'll get upset.
And I cannot protect her from that. And my making her feel better
is only putting blush on a bruise. The only remedy to upset
is to feel it 'n heal it.
UPSET
ACTION:
Let your partner be upset. Now, hold on...don’t be goin’
out there looking for chances to upset your poor partner (I
don't want them huntin' me down!). I’m saying,
stop “owning” their upset. Hold their hand, tell
‘em you love them, and then let them be upset. Your
job is done. As you get out of the way, Healing and Miracles
now have room to take over.
Stop pawning your upset off on your partner. Blaming
and shaming not only keep them feeling unloved but also keep
you stuck in what it is that’s upsetting you.
Yuck! It's easy to bring your Gunk and dump it on your partner.
It takes guts to own your own gunk.
GET
UPSET ACTION:
When you feel anger or upset from
something your partner did of said, OWN IT! I now step back
and tell my partner, “Hey lookie there! I feel upset
from what you just said. Hmm. I wonder why. I wonder what
that’s all about inside of me. Can we talk about it?”
My friend, this has been bringing me unbelievably exciting
results…seeing my upset as my buddy not as a darn hot
tater to get rid of on someone else!
WILL
EVERYONE PLEASE GIVE THEIR UPSETS BACK TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS
SO WE CAN LET LIFE GET ON WITH THE SHOW AND WORK ITS MIRACLES?
I don’t care if you’re shy or not good with words.
Thump with your feet if you must! Wink in Morse Code. Sing it!
whistle it! Squirt it in snow with mustard! I don’t care
how you do it…EXPRESS
to your partner.
REPRESSION
KILLS LOVE & LIFE & YOU!
EXPRESS
ACTION: Talk
with your partner about ways you each can effectively express.
Encourage and welcome her/him to do so. This is critical to
unclogged love my friend! Take turns expressing while the
other practices silent LISTENING.
You take the lead and set the standard...don't wait on your
partner.
Give your partner permission to not be
here. Whoa! "Did he just say what I think he said?
Let's go get a rope!"
Seriously,
if you're functioning out of fear that the relationship will
not stay together, you may as well go ahead and end it now anyway.
Put it out of the misery that it's fixin' to go thru from your
ridiculous behavior that comes from trying to keep the thing
together. And then after you put it out of its misery, you two
go out to dinner to celebrate and then you can get busy telling
the truth,
loving full-out and appreciating your partner for being here
(vs. expecting them to be because they're suppose to be). Breaking
up will get rid of all the fear-riddled rules and gook that
do nothing but hold your relationship in a box & keep love
from soaring. Get rid of it so you can get back to the love
that brought you together in the first place! Let go and let
it work!
BREAK
UP ACTION:
Give your partner your permission to go. Not that you want
them to, but that you want to get rid of your own blinding
gripping fear of loss that's keeping you from being present
and genuine. Then throw a party for two and Celebrate getting
back to love! Yeehaw!
Intimacy
is found here. My willingness to look stupid, foolish, not good
enough, human. Oh my, did he say HUMAN? Well, yes. That’s
what we are, right (my apologies to my dog Bob reading this)?
And it’s the “human side” by the way that’s
our most attractive side. That’s right, we’ve been
hiding our best side…the side our partner will feel most
endeared to! I cannot tell you how many times a someone will
tell me how close they felt to their partner when they "broke
down" and became vulnerable.
KIMONO
ACTION:
Practice being real. Tell them about your fear. About what
you’re not very good at. About bad past choices. About
things you hide for shame. Also tell them about your secrets,
your fantasies, what you desire that you normally keep to
yourself. Do your love a favor...be willing to look human.
I
want to share with you my personal love story. I think there's
something there for you.
from
something your partner did of said, OWN IT! I now step back
and tell my partner, “Hey lookie there! I feel upset
from what you just said. Hmm. I wonder why. I wonder what
that’s all about inside of me. Can we talk about it?”
My friend, this has been bringing me unbelievably exciting
results…seeing my upset as my buddy not as a darn hot
tater to get rid of on someone else!
