Our
constant flight from our boogieman quietly and drastically
alters our every experience of life. That's why our
efforts to "make" a better marriage or to
"make" a better relationship or career or
life for ourselves are all undermined by this thing
from which we scamper! It silently slithers its way
into every piece of our business. While I'm working
hard hours to succeed I meanwhile undermine my efforts
by NOT closing the deal or making that call...all
because of that darn boogieman on my heals. That belief
about myself that I don't want to face and so I stay
running.
How
can I effectively move toward anything when
I'm obsessively avoiding something else? Ever try
painting 
your
toe nails while running from an alligator? I tried
it once. Ugly! It was very ugly!
The
couple engages in an argument. Her greatest fear?
Abandonment (not worth sticking around for). His greatest
fear? Stupid. During the course of the heated conversation
neither are fully present.
Why? His earlier comment, "I gotta get away from
this" meant to her "you're not worth sticking
around for and so I'm gonna leave you just like you
deserve". And her earlier question that left
him stumped reminded him of how stupid he was. And
so the eroding upset has snatched up each of them
from being fully present as they both shuffle to make
sure that the other's statements are invalidated &
demeaned, thereby squelching any boogieman that tried
to sneak into the picture.
Being
fully present brings us the love and joy and peace
that we want, and our constant preoccupation with
staying busy, trying to fix it or fight it or avoid
it, keeps us from having it.
Awareness
of this gripping power your fear of inadequacy holds
over you is the first base to moving thru it. You
become free from the preoccupation of avoiding certain
venues or people or emotions. Not wanting to experience
something "out there" becomes keenly clear
to you that, it's really that you don't want to experience
some part of you "in here".
STOP!
Stop and take a breath. Ahhhh, that's better!
The
moment you feel an upset or notice yourself saying
NO to an activity or avoiding anything during the
course of your day, the very instant you feel yourself
upset or offended or reactive in any way...become
a student
of yourself at that point. Just stop to observe
how you feel inside. Feel the angst swelling up inside.
You've grown numb to it over the years, but it's time
to Wake Up! Ponder
how this internal shift has been dictating your decisions.
OK
now take another deep breath. You're becoming more
conscious of times and ways you've shut off the world
around you so as to avoid that boogieman that doesn't
even exist. Congratulations! You've just made a first
major step toward living your life
on Purpose! Yeehaw!
